First Fight...

I talked about punishment a bit in my last post and it was shortly after making that post that my wife and I had our first fight in a very, very (very), long time.

Ever since embracing and exploring the Dom/sub dynamic, we haven't really fought about things the way we used to for a few different reasons:

  1. She trusts and has full faith in me that decisions that I'm making are the best for her and the family, so rather than question or argue with me, she has learned to accept that most of those things aren't hers to worry about. And, because I'm a responsible man who loves his wife, I take that trust extremely seriously and knowing that she's putting 100% faith in me means that I absolutely cannot let her down or do anything that may erode her faith or trust in me. I understand that her submission to me is a gift, and it's fragile, and fucking up can have dire consequences.

  2. Fights and arguments in a relationship are typically the result of two people who have the same authority having a strong opinion on the same topic. You don't fight with your child, right? They likely fight with you, but you are the authority figure and ultimately what you say goes. If you're fighting with them, you're doing it wrong.

Same general idea in a D/s relationship. I mean, it's not exactly the same – I value my wife's opinions, desires, and input, and when she has a strong feeling about something, I take it into consideration and try to fulfill her desires, but if I, too, have a strong opinion on something, and it differs from hers, I am ultimately the authority figure and am the one to make the decision. And telling her 'no' is part of the reason she respects me, even though she doesn't like it at times. And even in cases where we have differing opinions, I sometimes do still relent, which ultimately means even more to her because she knows that I have the authority and willingness to tell her 'no.' Though, if I relent too often, she'll think I'm weak, so it's somewhat a balancing act.

  1. When she does something that upsets me, she's punished. This makes it very clear to her that she's done something that has upset me, and she also knows that as soon as the punishment is done, the issue is resolved and it's not something that she's left wondering about. This was probably the biggest revelation when we made the “switch.” There is now a clear, defined end to an issue that doesn't leave room for her emotional anxiety to question and her imagination to raise doubt.

Well, our daughter has moved back in with us for awhile (it's been months now), which has created some serious difficulties for us. Our daughter doesn't fully know the extent of our dynamic and I imagine if she were to hear, or see, her mother being punished, it may raise some questions that I'm not sure we're ready to answer... at least not with her. She knows that we have a more 'traditional' marriage, but she doesn't know to what extent.

Ironically – she identifies as a “feminist,” but also idolizes my wife and I's marriage and relationship. I often wonder how it would change her opinion on either her views, or our marriage, if she knew the details.

Anyway – since she's always home now, because she's working from home and doing online college classes, it leaves very little opportunity for punishments -or- sex. Two incredibly important elements of this type of relationship, since both are used to define and reinforce the roles in the relationship.

As such, both of us unconsciously stopped addressing issues properly and instead began bottling them up just like we used to. This, of course, blossomed into a fight. And since there was also no punishment involved post fight, my wife is now emotionally distraught because she doesn't know how I'm truly feeling (even though I've told her), or if the fight is truly over (I've told her it is), or if I'm harboring any anger towards her (yep, also told her that I'm not). All of the things that typically get communicated and resolved during a punishment. And this one is especially difficult on her, because she knows that she did wrong and that it was her actions that really caused the fight.

We're finally going to have a whole day to ourselves on Saturday, so even though I don't care to issue punishments this long after an incident, I feel like it's necessary in order for her to feel like things are resolved.

...I'll also tie her up and fuck her brains out all day, which will also help... 😉

Incorporating punishments (we'd always had “funishments”) into our marriage was definitely an interesting process. With domestic violence being so prevalent, and being raised by a mom who completely fucked up my view of sex/women/relationships/etc., it felt wrong to punish her initially, and sometimes still does. But, I now see the benefits of it for both of us and it has only strengthened our bond and marriage, so as uncomfortable as it was in the beginning, the benefits have been worth it.

Also, if any of you reading this have any unique punishment ideas, hit me up via Session (link below). I'm always looking for creative ideas.

— Mr. B.

You can reach me anonymously & securely on Session: 05286837660ea8cb0b8dd22741fa01a9b2459de0be25f4f717fc67caaf5755b620